DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE?

July 5, 2016

Many years ago there was a "dust up.."  I learned that term after the actual dust up from a woman standing in line at the credit union.  She was really pretty and how the topic came up, I don't recall. But, the term came into my vocabulary after the actual dust up.  A 'dust up' is a fight or an argument.  The woman in the line at the credit union said that it was from the Irish! And, that's not a surprise.  The Irish have a way with dust ups.  It may be a national sport.  

Anyway, the dust up that did occur was with a very good friend.  It wasn't a physical fight, but it was a serious disagreement, though what made it serious, I now cannot recall (this reminds me of an Irish tune: The Parting Glass)....

After the dust had settled so long ago in my tiny apartment  in the Hollywood Hills, my friend taught me that we are human beings.  That we have emotions and when they get out of hand, especially even if we get angry, that vitriol eventually settles down.  If it doesn't settle down on its own, we settle it down and the fight is not the end of the world.  It is a lesson that I not only remember, but I recall in images and the time of day.  When she explained to me that being in a fight was not the end of our friendship and I understood that I was not losing my dear friend forever, that it was just us being human, the relief that we could be angry and get over it rushed in like a welcome spring shower.  Our friendship has lasted for more than half a lifetime.  It's an important friendship... and not just because of the lesson.. it's important because we share our hearts with one another.  It's better than a romance that is often ruled by passion.  It's better than 'business' because the trust is complete and without judgement. It's ideal because it doesn't take much maintenance.  It's like a smooth glide with a couple of nice rushing parts and then the silent acknowledgement that it's all okay.  

Getting over a dust up takes two willing human beings. The emphasis is on the 'human' part. We have memories and if we chew on the stuff that created the dust up, then, that keeps it alive. But!! If we embrace our human-ness.. and if it's important, then we find a way to harmony and even with the niggling little emotions that want to keep the anger alive, we may be human enough to put that stuff aside and embrace:  Literally, embrace, one another and breathe through the anger and the resentment and the missed understanding into a lighter and happier relationship.  

Taking time away from the dust up may be a good idea.  However, if there is no intention to treat one another with respect and love, I guess, that's that. "That's That!" is not to be taken lightly in relationships that matter.  I wonder how couples who have been in committed relationships for many years just go apart.  But, it happens.  I tend to want my important relationships to transcend the anger and strife.  Of course, the definition of what's 'important' must be agreed upon by the warring parties, mustn't it?  A casual relationship is casual. An important one is important.  Sometimes stating the obvious is not a bad idea. 

Having been accused recently about everything being 'about me'  that would seem like an accusatory statement.  Maybe we are all at the center of our own universes?  Why I have never really felt like taking care of myself first was important is a character flaw.  And, I doubt that I'll change much. I do look out for myself, of course.  But, my two main goals in life have been fifty- fifty. One has been achieved and that WAS selfish and self preserving. With that out of the way, I survive and my second goal is life long and on going and I hope that I am understood for working on it, even though it is, in a way, also selfish.

This is deliberately obtuse.  The people who are truly friends, I am grateful for.  I'm grateful for life and opportunity.  Good communication isn't always easy, but it is a goal.

//

Forgive everyone?  Difficult at best. Impossible at worst.  If you want to hurt someone.. really harm them? That may be the most difficult to forgive. I had to dismiss one person who was a good, but abusive pal because as much as I wanted to forgive, when the abuse didn't stop.. I had to get out of the splash zone.  Too much information?  Yeh.. too much..

My daily musings are so diverse. Today, I am ruled by the moment and instead of censoring, today, I just wanted to thank my dear friend who taught me about true friendship and anger and to encourage anyone who is upset with someone important in their life, to go beyond the upset... if the friend is really important.. and find a way to harmony. 

July 5, 2016

michaelsheehan