What a difference twelve hours make. This entry is heavily edited. I have been feeling heavily criticized and in trouble. At this time of life, it's no fun to be in trouble. Life goes on.
//
I think of your family every single day. every single
one. Your decision to behave the way you are behaving is a mystery to
me and I don't like it. A combative attitude is not the best idea, but I
want you to know that I am sick and tired of walking on egg shells.
//
Does your heart rate go up with frustration or anger? Mine does. It happens when a rude telephone solicitor invades my space or my own inability to find a way to communication with folks I consider friends fails. It all turns on me, evidently, though it would be nice to lay responsibility on circumstances or other people.
That opening line was, thankfully, culled from a frustrated email that will never be sent. If the person to whom I was about to send it sees this, I hope they realize that being mean and uncommunicative is more a reflection of who they are than anything. When someone want so much to be helpful or at least to be in satisfactory communication with someone else and they either ignore you or indicate that they really don't care, that's a lesson that leaves me feeling crappy. Important relationships deserve to be fixed. Period. All anyone has to do is to communicate. If the situation is irreparable, then, at least the reasons should be clear.
I ended a friendship with an actor pal whose behavior became bizarre. It became emotionally impossible to deal with him. I still feel awful about this, but he, as creative and funny as he probably still is... totally ignored my attempts to have clear communication with him. If folks want to be friends, then there must be a way to harmony. However, if 'harmony' includes being treated like a door mat or a whipping boy, then, the exit is clear. Some people stay in abusive relationships. That's sad, but maybe it's the only relationship available and being alone is an option that they just cannot face. That's pretty sad.
Ultimately, we are, each of us... alone. I wish I was more social. Life goes on.. and then, it doesn't.
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I had intended to start this brief entry with "As our government implodes..." and it is imploding .. it really is.. if half the country falls in love with ideology that reflects the worst in human beings, will the dictatorships of the thirties be re-visted in the Land of the formerly Free and no longer Brave?
It's pretty depressing to see no clear light at the end of a dark, dark tunnel. Harmony turns on accord. With political leaders now staging a sit in in the Halls of Congress about 'gun control' I want to add my plea again for intelligent leaders to finally figure out that the gun situation is exacerbated by bullets. Without a bullet, a gun becomes a fancy stick: a club. Certainly, it is a weapon, but no longer a weapon of MASS destruction. People seem to think that this issue can be mitigated quickly. Of course, it cannot. It has taken years and years to get to the point where an 'ordinary' person can walk into a store and purchase an AR15 automatic rifle but all the bullets they can carry with no restrictions. I've seen men in camouflage jump suits leaving a gun show dragging hand carts with thousands of rounds of ammunition. Chilling.
I'll continue to advocate for restrictions on ordnance: Bullets. Ammunition. By treating bullets the way dangerous drugs.. like narcotics, alcohol and nicotine.. are treated, with taxes and regulations by the ATF and FDA: the Bureau of alcohol, tobacco and FIREARMS with an annual budget of over a BILLION DOLLARS.. (the FDA's budget is four times that figure!!) might begin to DO SOMETHING TO HELP.
With oversight and taxing and regulating the purchase of bullets and explosives, we begin to mitigate the damages. Of course, it will take years and years and terrible, terrible days of other crazy people creating massacres... but winnowing out the tools of destruction .. the bullets.. is a beginning.
June 23, 2016
michaelsheehan
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