ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN

October 17, 2017

An assault is carried out by a threat of bodily harm coupled with an apparent, present ability to cause the harm. It is both a crime and a tort and, therefore, may result in either criminal or civil liability. 

Harassment is governed by state laws, which vary by state, but is generally defined as a course of conduct which annoys, threatens, intimidates, alarms, or puts a person in fear of their safety.

Sexual assault is any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient.

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Of course, if you see it on the internet, it must be true.  And, of course, defining anything in these days of weirdness is tricky.

I'm concerned with the flagrant use of these words in the current issue of The Casting Couch, Harvey Weinstein and anyone who may have done anything to seem to threaten or  piss another person off.   We are under the influence of Victorian and Puritanical guidelines that make the use of the words 'sex' or 'sexual' still highly charged words.  We have shame and embarrassment as the foundation of all things 'sexual.'  We giggle at the use of some words. It used to be that someone would put an ad in the paper and in big letters headline announce:  
SEX!  and now that I have your attention, I can do your yard work or fix your roof.

I've imagined that this whole business of 'sexual assault and sexual harassment' must be viewed on a graph that runs horizontally from zero to ten and also vertically from zero to ten with a five in the middle.  Thus a forced rape would be a horizontal ten (the worst) and a vertical ten (also the worst).  Then, we go to statutory rape where, there may be mutual consent, but the law is involved with the age of the participants.  Mutual consent for say, a seventeen year old boy and an eighteen year old girl (the boy's birthday a few days away?) would be a statutory crime for the girl.  On this imaginary scale, since the boy and the girl are virtually the same age, would be a zero on the horizontal scale and zero on the vertical scale.   These are guidelines for the physical act of sexual intercourse.  In some states, the age of consent would be lower.  But, you get the idea. 

Sexual Harassment is a little trickier.  On the same scales vertical and horizontal, if someone stood in another person's face and shouted obscenities, that would be harassment (and an assault!) a ten on the horizontal scale and probably a ten on the vertical scale for the close proximity of being face to face. Shouting obscenities on the phone would reduce the threat to less on both scales.    Flipping the bird to a motorist who cut you off in traffic might initially be a one and a one, but if it goes into 'road rage' then, the scales escalate. 

This is where communication needs to go.  To get these definitions into an arena where there's an agreement among all parties as to what is going on. We can agree that a physical assault is wrong. Period.  And, to stand and curse in someone's face is the pinnacle of what harassment would be on this imaginary horizontal and vertical scale. In the traffic example, if it's a quick exchange and flipping the bird, then, we catch our breath and it's over. 

In a lesser situation perception of harassment might be felt by one person and never the intention of the other.  Thus, our definitions become almost like our perceptions of what art is: unique to the individual.   Being considerate and listening is a quality that many people now lack.  Each of us, now with the introduction of #Metoo, must find out first what harassment in general might be.  Unwelcome touching is a little easier to define with the 'touchee' declaring, "Don't touch me!" Or.. "Please, do not touch?"  The 'toucher' then is on notice.  

But, as we mature from childhood to some semblance of being adults, the signals and behavior change.  Playing tag and teasing and physical relating to each other change.  Signals change.  Maturity is fluid. Even for those who may have reached the physical age of maturity may be stuck in some adolescent groove where the 'rules' are unclear and what's appropriate or not appropriate may be fluid, too. 

Some folks are just 'touchers.'  They express themselves with strokes or pats or other exhibitions of familiarity.  Hugs are a given for some folks who can't contain themselves.  Are they sexual advances or just physical expressions of friendliness? In France, friends kiss cheeks on most everyone in a polite social situation. 

I have stated that we are edging toward if not already in the midst of a 'mob mentality' with every single person who has posted in social media #Metoo, defining their own version of being SEXUALLY HARASSED OR ASSAULTED. It may range from the low end of my imaginary scale to the worst, but this growing mob of people declaring their situation mostly makes no distinction.  

Of course, No means NO!  However, in many social situations, there may be alcohol or drugs involved.. or just misread signals that lead to trouble.   I am reminded of a little poem that a roommate of mine taught me:

I'll drink to the girls who do

And, I'll drink to the girls that don't,

But, I won't drink to a girl who says she will

And, later says she won't.  

As social media hijacks our lives and the bandwagon of #Metoo escalates, I just hope that a frenzy that might be parallel to the Salem Witch Trials does not sweep up so many miscreants that we have no idea who is really guilty and who is a hapless dummy who just thought that telling someone they were attractive was okay. 

This then turns on individual responsibility.  If someone is provoked or even enticed, where on the scale does a response wind up?  I've seen a woman in a social situation, make eye contact with a man and when he approached, she just turned her shoulder and blew him off.   I've heard stories of wanna be actresses sneaking into A list parties and flirting with A list participants for what ever reason.. a role in a film or just to have an adventure.  Are they 'asking for it?' Probably, not, but with flirting and alcohol and such, the opportunity for disaster may be brewing.

The whole business of power and the dozens of stories and accusations that are bubbling to the surface right this minute and the lawsuits and maybe even criminal actions to follow turn, to me, on the responsibility of each participant.. willing and unwilling.  We all must take responsibility for our adult decisions. 

Then there's the story of the car parked up in Lover's Lane late at night and the cop knocking on the window. The boy is in the front seat reading and the girl is in the back seat knitting.   The boy rolls down the window and the cop asks, "Is she eighteen? (assuming that the boy is over eighteen!).  The boy looks at his watch and says, "She will be in about ten minutes!"

There is nothing funny about sexual abuse. And, sexual harassment is a very loose term, it seems to me.  As legislation in France is being advanced to make it a criminal offense for a man to cat call or tease a woman on the street, it seems to me that we are headed into a very murky and slippery slope where our social communication may suffer. 

No question that powerful men who threaten women and force themselves on them either physically or psychically should be brought to bear.  It's about male domination, mostly, but if vice versa were true, then we need to examine that, too.  The stories now emerging are, if not horrific, really uncomfortably distasteful.  I still wonder about the responsibility of an adult woman who agrees to meet with a powerful man in an 'intimate' situation like a hotel room.. or in an office where the staff disappears.  As adults, we must be responsible for ourselves, but the allure of fame or money or work need to be examined and bringing the powerful to bear and  even brought to justice is long over due. 

michaelsheehan

October 17, 2017