Being shunned is no fun. Shunning is not fun either. This article from Daryl Austin of Utah in a recent Atlantic magazine may be dismissed out of hand by some, but it really rang a bell for me. I've pissed and moaned about my old high school class mavens dismissing and deleting me from news of the class for cause. The cause, you may ask? I had the temerity to try, in email, to ask a simple question: "For whom will you vote on November 3rd?" This was misinterpreted as some stumping for now President Biden and Kamala Harris. In fact it was not. I did declare my own idea of for whom I'd vote (BLUE) but did not actively campaign for my candidates. What those folks did was take my question for some odd political rally or something and the backlash was some really vile responses and ultimately as I dug myself in deeper to try to explain that I just wanted to know where folks with whom I grew up in a small conservative town were headed with their votes.
That's all pretty repetitive for those who know me and have possibly followed the other stuff I've written here.
Today, I found an article popping up on my Yahoo Feed by Daryl Austin. It's about "The Silent Treatment." He is a small business owner and father of four, according to a Google search, in Orem, Utah. Mormon Country. Whether that skews his essay, I can't see a bias in his writing. The research is anecdotal, but the stories are, to me, quite touching.
One of my best friends has never been really into writing letters, though our chats over many years, on the phone and in person have been ..for me.. wonderful. He's a bright guy with what are, to me, far out conservative ideas. He'll cook up an analogy that makes perfect sense to him and make no sense to me. Other friends and I have discussed this about him and have passed it off as him just being him. Arguing from a false analogy can make anyone's premise seem logical... to them. This may lapse into religious beliefs, but not here. Not today.
When I teased my pal by pretending to thank him for donating to the Biden / Harris Campaign, with a post card from 'the campaign'... Evidently, he thought that that might have actually happened. In one of our last phone chats he became "very serious"... never in all these years has be ever become 'very' serious.. and when I teased him, he hung up on me! Neither of us had ever hung up abruptly .. ever.. I misjudged the limits of his sense of humor. When he compared my ideas to the ideology of the KKK and people who hunt for puppies and kitties to kill them and hang them on the clothesline in the back yard, I was pretty surprised. If supporting Biden / Harris makes me a racist kitty killer to him.. that's pretty serious!.. Full discolosure: I have known folks associated with the KKK, but they were from Georgia so.. that's an explanation. Sad, but true.
When my high school pals divorced me from the occasional mailings that share deaths and time with grandkids, replaced body parts and such, it made me sad. Marvin and Kay in their last email told me that they were done with me. Period. We all get what we deserve. But, I care about these people and am still trying to figure out how intelligent and educated adults could ever support the stuff we endured, ending on January 6, 2021. I wonder if any of my mates were at the Capitol that day?
All this to say.. that I've said I'm sorry that I asked these old pals for whom they'd vote, which made them upset. One dear woman was very, very upset because she wants nothing to do with politics! I no longer use that word with her and we remain friends, thank goodness. So..
So..
The Silent Treatment is discussed by Mr. Austin here and it makes sense to me. No one can twist another person's arm to be pals. But, one does have the ability to reach out and ask for communication. Even in divorce from a marriage, the former partners say 'good bye.'
It's no fun to be 'in trouble' and I take responsibility for my situation. By sharing Austin's essay, I'm hoping that some of the people who have been offended will consider that I care about them, no matter their politics or religion. (I see the two issues melded a bit for some). By sending this link to the essay and these words to go along with it, it's my reaching out, all that I can do. Because why? Because it's time to just be clear. There are some people I just don't much care for. There are no good reasons..it's just what is. They don't know it because I am civil and probably they wouldn't much care if they did.
I care and so.. I encourage you to read this essay and make up your own mind about what the Silent Treatment is all about. Even if you are just a casual FB pal, maybe there are folks in your life who need a note .. just to be clear? This, though, is for my old high school classmates: with love. michaelsheehan
https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/03/psychology-of-silent-treatment-abuse/618411/?utm_source=pocket-newtab
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