This note and the previous one are to take some difficult stuff and make a record of it. Only one friend has expressed an interest and she may read this.. She's aware of my birthday and declares that Taurus men are possessive with their women. I never possessed this woman, though years ago she asked is she was 'my girl..' Euphemism..
It was the surprise that got me all upset. Bottom line, is that we tell our friends stuff that maybe will change our relationship in a way that is not hurtful.. and may preserve the friendship, even if it changes. That happened like a slap in the face to me and my writing about it and getting feedback from one writer friend is helpful. I want the woman who surprised me with news of 'being with' a man for ten months and never mentioned it to just tell me why? What happened? I had no social or 'mate' type of connection with her. We would report back and forth once or twice a week on the phone. The Plague has had her not invite me to her home and so.. a couple of meals over time and life was 'normal' except that she's in a relationship with this guy. Am I unable to handle the truth?? I do try to treat her like a special friend with gifts and stuff from time to time.. That's not staking a claim.
My criticism of her way of doing or not doing something is a cruel thing to report. But.. it's the truth. I've walked on eggs for years just because the friendship was more important than causing her to be angry, which was not hard to do if I wasn't careful. Why stick with a connection like this? Well you may ask. Because I have a genuine respect and affection for her and want to be supportive and have been. Thinking she was grateful was enough, though he feeling of gratitude never realy was felt. End of story.
In my attempt to fix things.. because this is all on me, of course for having a very emotional reaction to her "I don't know how you'll take this.. but..." I'm still smarting, but she is just about my only connection on a regular basis to the outside world. Oh poor me.
So. I wrote this to her:
... I understand that you did not mean to hurt my feelings.. I am pretty sure. But.. I've been feeling left out and disrespected for a long time as far as we are concerned: to matter less and less to you and it makes sense because you are in love with someone who makes you happy.. Your terse responses or no responses are frustrating, but that's because you have little to share with me. If you kept your lover a secret from your kids and other friends, which I really doubt.. that would be one thing. I just felt slapped in the face.